How To Bake Pancake Batter With Wild Blueberries (While Wearing Minimal Clothing)

So we’ve all been confronted with this dilemma:

I have a box of just-add-water generic pancake mix, which I won’t be using because I prefer French toast; I have several bags of frozen wild blueberries obtained from the local church food pantry (which they probably loaded off on the poor because they taste sour and there’s really no blueberry-based recipe that requires using a whole bunch of them at one time).

I don’t know what to do!

Worry not, I’ve figured out the answer. I give you my recipe for Wild Blueberry Pancake Batter Blah Blah Blah. This recipe was conducted in my test kitchen today and I can happily announce that we nailed it–I nailed this recipe like it was ninety-five theses and my oven door was the entrance to the chapel.

INGREDIENTS

More frozen wild blueberries than you could ever possibly use, preferably from church pantry

Box of generic pancake mix, preferably just-add-water kind

Oil (any kind) and some REAL butter (not that Country Crock of…)

Honey

Natural Raw Cane Sugar, preferably in small brown packets “collected” from either Starbucks or 7-Eleven

Ramekin dish

Minimal clothing (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Pre-heat oven to what I guess is 375 degrees. (The numbers on my oven dial are missing.)

2) Prepare pancake batter according to instructions on the box. Mix slivers of the REAL butter into the batter (envision yourself eating a buttermilk biscuit while doing this).

Note: Base amount of pancake batter made on size of your ramekin dish. For ramekin shown in photo (below), I prepared HALF of the 5-7 pancakes serving, which came out to half a cup of pancake mix and HALF of 3/4 cup water (I’m not good at math, so I consider that 1/4 cup and then HALF of another 1/4 cup).

3) Brush inside of ramekin with oil.

4) Add copious amounts of frozen wild blueberries to bottom of ramekin. No need to measure because you have a lot of blueberries you need to use up.

5) Drizzle honey over the top of the blueberries. Be generous, just enough to tame the sourness of the wild blueberries.

6) Pour pancake batter over the top; try to evenly spread out batter while pouring.

7) Take brown packets of natural raw cane sugar–the ones you “collect” every time you go into a Starbucks or 7-Eleven–and sprinkle sugar over the top of the pancake batter. Add however much is needed to give pancake batter a nice sugary top coating.

8) Bake in oven for 15 minutes (or as long as it takes so that, 15 minutes later, you don’t taste raw pancake batter hidden in the center). Dish is done (or almost done) when: a) you can smell it; b) the blueberries are seen bubbling up the sides of the ramekin; c) the pancake batter looks firm and the top has a toasty golden brown hue.

9) Cut oven off when dish looks done. (Say a little prayer: May this trial not end in error.) Let it rest for about 5 more minutes, then rest it on counter for about another 10 minutes. You want to allow the blueberry liquid to cool down some and firm up.

10) Serve with hot beverage of choice (I prefer black coffee), then take pics for Instagram and enjoy!

Crystallized-Topped Faux Buttermilk Biscuit served on a bed of Warm Wild Blueberry Compote

ADDITIONAL NOTES

A) Ramekin (pictured above) is a porcelain-type, usually white-colored, baking dish.

B) Curiosity Comparison: You want to know what the “pancake” tasted like? After baking, the pancake batter took on the appearance, consistency, texture and taste of a buttermilk biscuit.

C) If I was serving this as a dish on the TV Food Network show Chopped, I’d jazz up the name. It would be called: Crystallized-Topped Faux Buttermilk Biscuit served on a bed of Warm Wild Blueberry Compote.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER

Recipe user is hereby advised that they will be working around hot surfaces and assumes full responsibility for any injuries sustained due to the wearing of minimal clothing.