STT: episode 01

My couch-potato criticism of Iyanla Vanzant, was it subconscious self-hate?

“Why you MAD?”

Me to Myself

Why you MAD? That’s the difficult question I asked myself.

I told myself it was Iyanla’s ATTITUDE–She acts like she’s all that!–and it turns me off. But then I thought, wait a minute, when I watch other all that attitudes like chef Gordon Ramsay, or Simon Cowell, or Kevin O’Leary–all white men–I never get turned off by them. No, it’s funny and entertaining, and to top it off: they’re not even attempting to fix someone’s life. But when it comes to the black woman, I subconsciously felt a disdain. Iyanla wasn’t sucking up anymore of my TV’s air than Gordon, Simon or Kevin, yet I had the desire for her to tone it down; don’t be so BIG, smaller would be a better fit.

Why? I don’t know. It’s probably centuries of negative programming and brainwashing that’s infiltrated my mental DNA, as well as many people of color–where we are instinctively harder on ourselves and give passes to those who don’t even deserve them. (And they take said pass and keep it forever, not caring enough to bring it back so other people can go to the bathroom.)

I’m glad I had the awareness to see I was being unfair to Iyanla. Carry on, Ms. Vanzant. (And I would ask you to fix my life…but you be doing too much for me.)

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