A Few Good Dads (a father’s day poem)

by Many Attitudes of Dennis (MAD)

To the fathers
who receive a World’s Greatest
coffee mug
that’s purchased from Dollar Tree
and “Made in China”
by a child at the local sweat shop:

Do not clamor for sincere recognition;
stop dreaming of a day
when Pop gets his props on a level
comparable to that second Sunday in May

Mayday!
Houston we have a problem:
Father’s Day feels anti-climatic,
equivalent to being thrown a holiday bone
as insignificant as Halloween candy
in a retail store on November 1st

But know this: Fathers are vital;
if they weren’t, there wouldn’t be viral videos
of them catching children—who fall
out chairs, swings, cribs, trees, bunk beds, windows
and from other heights
that heighten gravity’s impact
upon hitting ground

Despite Rodney Dangerfield treatment
Dads have to stick around —
not only to control pests, plug leaks
and provide some assembly when required
but simply for their presence;
if it wasn’t important, there wouldn’t be insidious
and strategic efforts to take Dad out the home

Two-parent system overthrown
New rule:
You can castle without the king
Separate Ogun from Oshun;
Stage a coup against the Iron throne
Society is anemic;
there’s a Dad deficiency:
financial consultants are advising clients
to invest heavily in the growing industry
known as single mothers

The road to fatherhood—
they’re trying to convert it into a bike lane
Not realizing, even Sons of Anarchy
need their fathers
Dads are training wheels in human form,
a source of security and reassurance

Rest assured,
Our Father which art
underrated and unappreciated,
Family Court will be mandated:
Put some respeck on thy name!
That order came straight from
Colonel Nathan R. Jessep;
He’s looking for a few good dads
Why?
Because WE’RE BUILDING A WALL
A YUGE WALL, greater than the one
Made in China, and:
You want DAD on that wall!
You need DAD on that wall!

When your youngest child
gets Off! Insect repellent sprayed in his eyes
by an older sibling, who you gonna call?

When things get messy,
like ectoplasm messy,
You call Dad—not Ghostbusters

When Mom just finished getting her nails done
Dad is the only one who can get his hands dirty;
he will knuckle-up
and wrestle against principalities,
against the world’s darkness,
against wickedness in high places,
against Thanos—

Oh SNAP, Dad is a super hero
But look closer—past the shield,
behind the armor, beyond the utility belt
is a human being;
Imperfect, yet still deserving more than a matching belt
& tie (sold only in June)

The month dedicated to Dad
Needs a better PR firm,
maybe the agency that helped Smokey Bear
become the longest-running ad campaign ever:
“Remember… Only YOU can prevent forest fires”

And don’t YOU ever forget:
When someone promises “to make a long story short,”
they’re going to make it longer
And this poem was intended to be shorter
but I intentionally made it lengthier;
for Dad, I will be long-winded
Because, for far too long, he’s gotten
the short end
This poem is the start to righting that wrong,
writing Dad’s return to greatness…

From now on, nothing goes down unless Dad’s involved:
No science projects, no PTA meetings, no candy sales;
If a girl scout cookie gets sold in the park, Dad wants in!

Everybody got fat while Dad starved — Now, it’s HIS turn…
to have a seat at the table; because they say:
if you’re not seated,
it means you’re on the menu

And Dad is ready to place his order:
Yes, may I please have
the biggest piece of chicken.

#HappyFathersDay

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