“After this, there is no turning back. You take the two pill—the story ends, you wake up in your hospital bed and believe whatever advice you ignored. You take the one pill—and I show you how deep the belly fat goes.“
Each morning, I wrestle with temptation like it’s an angel, before taking ONE fat-burning pill–NO, excuse me–fat destroyer pill, which contains an amount of caffeine equivalent to a 6-pack of Red Bull.
It gives me (Icarus) wings.
My friends, who are extremely Web MD knowledgeable, say it’s probably messing up my liver (and maybe my bladder too), but I say: if it’s helping my six-pack, it all evens out. Fair exchange is no internal organ injury.
So, to compensate for my vanity’s lack of aversion to medically unnecessary risk, I have foregone my ritual of starting the day with a cup of coffee.
Instead, I now look for non-caffeinated pick me ups; today, this quick sip of George Carlin did the trick:
“I’m here to entertain and inform. Reminds me of something my grandfather used to say to me. You know. He’d look at me and he’d say I’m going upstairs and fuck your grandma. He’s just a really honest man you know. He wasn’t going to bullshit a four-year-old.” – from his HBO Special, Complaints & Grievances